Salwas Salaams

2006-11-04T18:53:00.000-07:00

Masha'Allah!

2006-10-27T12:26:00.000-06:00

:) EID MUBARAK ALLS

2006-10-27T12:24:00.000-06:00

zee Shah boys

2006-10-27T12:23:00.000-06:00

Baby Lateefee

2006-10-27T12:21:00.000-06:00

2006-10-27T12:17:00.001-06:00

Eid with Muhammad

2006-10-27T12:17:00.000-06:00

2006-10-27T12:16:00.000-06:00

chillin with hanana-banana

2006-09-13T21:45:00.000-06:00

for a friend ;) and all other blah-blahers.....

salaam salaam

2006-09-09T00:00:00.000-06:00

surreal revisited....
... i want to walk with you
on a cloudy day
in fields where the yellow grass grows
knee high...
:)

2006-09-05T02:45:00.000-06:00

tis the mind that makes the body itch says:
welcome to surreal
tis the mind that makes the body itch says:
its crazy
tis the mind that makes the body itch says:
im not sure when it ends

:P -- standing reminder

salaam salaam

2006-08-31T02:37:00.000-06:00

:bitter:
i cant sleep.
but i sure as hell can cry.

sweet dreams people, may they be littered with all the things you desire most (as long as they are good things)

i hate my blog for it no longer carries my voice.
i have been taking all my coats off, and feel less confident with evey single one i strip off. i wonder if anyone else can see a masterpiece unraveling.
bring me back my damn brush. if removing all the layers brings this upon me, i would rather doll myself back up, one coat at a time.

i hate many things right now. and yet i carry so much love within.
i wonder if the portion of black matches the portion of red.
i wonder who spilt all this blue -- its hiding all the yellow.
screw this, i want to be gold. i want gold to pour so hard that it seemingly obliterates every single pixel of originality, gold so glittery and bright i can make the girls in the hall ashamed.

i hate my fear. i hate damn machines that show things i dont wanna see and i hate feeling indifference. i hate the shrug of the shoulders and i hate the damn tears falling into my lap. what the hell kind of fool do i have to be to bring back turquoise.

hello? yeah this is a zyx.
deal with it.

salaam salaam

2006-07-31T20:24:00.000-06:00

salaams all

do you ever sit back and think maybe im not in the right frame of mind to write something up? maybe im too emotional and may write something i may later regret?
and yet think i dont give a shnank if imma regret it, cuz i really really wanna just write whatevers on my mind and not give it another thought, oh the internal editor, the internal media relations, know your audience?
what to say? maybe merely Qana again? does anyone remember the images from the first one? the documentary? anyone at all?
i do
i remember the images of a baby with his head blown off and his mother holding his decapitated body and screaming tears of rage. they did it again? your kidding right? is this some kinda sick joke? i know it happened a few days ago, but im waiting for some media announcer to annouce "just jokes" into their microphone and be done with the images that bounce on the inside of my head, mirroring the images from ages ago, and yet its not, now there are new images to add, the little girl laying on the pavement and her father concealing her body with a blanket... theyr all fresh all new,
apparently learning from history is a bunch of bs we feed ourselves over and over and over again, "never again" is a campaign to make you hope and will make u turn a blind eye to all the fresh wounds, its all crap, that gets turned into someones new p.r campaign, and the world is supposta be spoon fed the "right" lines, the "right" point of view, gobble it all up and continue on with its sad insenstive consumer driven world, just buy buy buy and screw everything else, becuase guess what when ur in a mall or in a store the world outside ceases to exist, come into my welcoming folds and forget ur troubles outside, and while ur here why dont u put something on ur visa and spend money that u dont even own.
crap this all dont make sense,
talked to my uncle last night, they're "safe" they bombed the masna3, i wonder what excuse they used for that?
thanx for ur comments y'all and u Ahmed... jazaks
salaam salaam

2006-07-15T01:24:00.000-06:00

salaams

ok so a very subdued post right now,
im just askin for all of us to make duaa, and lots of it please?
i dont think that there is one Leb family that i know that isnt glued to the news, its a disgusting feeling to be so helpless, ive watched the same news on loop so many times that i can quote them.
im worried for my family there, my friends, really every single human being, i know too many ppl that are there for a visit, and i have too much family, i wish i could bring them all here,
im not sure why im posting,
maybe asking for your duaa and the slight hope that some of you will make some can calm some nerves,
jazaks, back to watching news with my dad

salaam salaam

2006-07-08T02:43:00.000-06:00

salaams all
i dont know why i still greet like that, i mean i KNOW not very many ppl read my blog anymore since i stopped blogging so frequently (i blame someone... their name begins with an f... three guesses)
lets just say life is on overdrive... i kinda hate it, anywaysers, many many a wedding lately, tomorrow morn i am expected to go to the brides home... yeah lots, and Nosheen and Hanaa i mean mashallah, and a lot of babies too ... my cuz Asmaa had a baby girl alhamdulillah theyr both healthy... its just very exciting,
anywaysers in my mind i had a very good idea for a blog update, i watched An Inconvenient Truth (Jazaks Azkaa for the email!) and i really suggest that everyone watch it, its really worth the time, its playin at the Garneau theater, (btw when mistress of spices is on im SOO going to watch it, i liked the book, so we are plannin to go as a bunch of sisters together, if ur interested just drop me a line) anyways back to what i was saying, the movie really made u just sit and think and ponder and really wanna do something active to change and make a change, alhamdulillah my fam has always been the recycle reduce reuse fam so thats all fine and dandy, now all i need is a smart car (well really first i need to start driving again, its going on to five years since i got my drivers :( )
anywaysers, that is it im officially old, 21 is such a gross age, but then again dear cousin Ahmed if i recall correctly u turned 19 a couple of weeks before i turned 21, so dear youthful cuzin, ur not too far behind me :P
OH i started writing again, make duaa that i stick with it please? ive taken a long vacation and i dot wanna get too rusty (not that i was any good to begin with)
anyways, its good to have some old friends back, w/b Monazzah, ur too good for the states u can never move there.. ok? great, and Massey jazaks for the call, and Hafsah both u and ur Sito are in our duaas,
is it just me or did this turn into a shout out email? or did it just turn into a "im to lazy to call or write so imma blog it in one shot" kinda thing
if so: salaams Nicole hows egypt treating u, ill get back to u soon iA.
wait wait dont turn away in disgust imma say something good, something deep, something profound. imma say that.... i love life.
not just life-- really i love being a female and alive. :monkey: wait wait,
how much better can it get really? i mean think about it, we always get the "your money is my money and my money is my money" rule in islam, we dont gotta work IF we dont wanna, we inshallah get to have kids one day and cherish their blessed little lives (i taught Muhammad how to sumo wrestle with me :D-- well really all he does is stomp his feet) alhamdulillah, and we never have to worry about bad hair days (well we do have bad hijab days and those are horrible too, but still) and i feel as though hijab is an instant beauty technique really, i dont mean it in a vain way, but i just think that hijab really suits every girl, i mean a beautiful girl who wears hijab becomes all the more beautiful because she wears it, ok so i know im biased but really mashallah, mashallah, mashallah, (brothers read: inshallah) i love all of it really.
anyways imma stop writing cuz ppl have told me that my posts are too everywhere to follow so the shorter maybe the more easier to understand? well apparently i talk like this too...
oh and does anyone have any suggestions for bridal stores to check out that are worth while? cuz wedding dresses r the suck
oh and i go back to school on monday (some kinda EDPS class) make duaa plz?
oh and nancy ajram is good
oh and ALHAMDULILLAH
oh and i should post some pics of the wedding in lac la biche that we went to... someone remind me sometime

salaam salaam

2006-06-11T01:24:00.000-06:00

salaams

thanx to dear hafsah i thought id share this

http://salwanity.blogspot.com

aaahh the title is oh so true no?
lol :D

salaam salaam

:D

2006-06-10T11:11:00.000-06:00

salaams all

and today is a beautiful day, alhamdulillah, got a prestenation to prepare, an essay to write, assignments to finish, and two finals to prepare for, and yet i dont really care alhamdulillah :)
do u ever feel as though nothing beyond ur good mood matters? that everything in the world can be contained in a mere smile? alhamdulillah im so happy yesterday was beautiful, celebration cake was cut up, Mumma and Immy (Farooqs mom and my mom) had tea and coffee, packed house as per usual, and alhamdulillah im so greatful for all of it.
sweet desi music in the background, images of toronto sprinkled throughout my dreams, and images of a future still unknown that hold countless possibilites, the preface is almost done and then what cf? :D wedding dress shopping is a hassle and yet excitement lies at the root of every outting, and i dont care roubi is a good dancer even if we hate her for her 3aybness,
ive started a diet alhamdulillah.... preparation, and after class u better bet im goin to the gym :D
with everydoor shut another is opened, and this post i guess is a tribute to that, u just gotta remember to keep ur eyes open for the door and ull see it inshallah, just watch for it,

yallah i better get to my paper before i loose my good mood and then write a whole bunch of shnank on it :D

salaam salaam

2006-06-06T19:08:00.000-06:00

hafsah was hot stuff in her shalwar kameez and runners... mashallah :D (the only time in my life im ever gonna be ahead of Hafsah in bball alhamdulillah it happened once in my life :D )

2006-06-01T00:44:00.000-06:00

salaams

so to begin with, i was going to post up pics from TO but ive decided to leave that to a later date, i shall rather just post up some random ramblings that have been flitting about in my head or have been collecting some dust after being shoved into the dark forgotten areas of my mind.
this post has a dedication, dedications are rare but ... heres to Azkaa and Ahmed -- why? just because i can,
anyways its about 2 am and i have class tomorrow (techincially i have class from 8-4 but umm well lets just say im salwa?)
today i had to graph my learning style thingy in EDIT, and my stats were:
Concrete Sequential 32
Concrete Random 30
Abstract Random 25
Abstract Sequential 13
not taht anyone cares and not that i even KNOW what that means... mneh

i need to purchase coverup
my sito tells me with a smile that ive put on weight, nothing i really wanted to hear more, thanx sito. i have put on weight, as sito calls it "ijitnee alSa7aa" whatever its all unneeded flab if u ask me,
dont u ever sit back and think "what if i had done this or that differently"? a convo today made me think about all these ponderings of mine, i do not think of these alterations of the past as to only effect the past, i think of them to ponder what would have been altered within my present,
there is this gnawing at the center of my being when i think of the things i would undo in my past to rectify that situation and to heal the wounds i feel today as a result, yes i know that today cannot be what i desire it to be, maybe it is the feeling of helplessness i desire most, but recreating the past and the present i remind myself that none of it is in my hands and as such i can therefore sit back and tell myself "this is what is and u cannot change it" it removes the desire to change the past, but also removes the effort i can currently put in to mold the future (possibly) so maybe my ponderings are really just cowardice in the guise of ponderings
but is it really cowardice?
who here can say they do not dream of the future with some sort of wistfulness deep within their soul that will not obey the laws of probability, who carries this glimmer of hope of defying all odds for the chance of something beautiful, its that little shimmering ray that i crave and maybe thats why i want to ponder the past, so that maybe that shimmer may become a beam, for i too dream of what can be and can become of what should have been.
what should have been?
they shouldnt have been.
they shouldnt have told my tale, and they did, they shouldnt have betrayed the red and they did, the invisible shouldnt have betrayed the glide and it did.
all of it shouldnt have been, and yet have, and i resent them, and im sure they resent me, but had they been masked, the unbearable would resent me. and then i would die.
who would die?
the little glimmering ray, any glimmering ray, any flicker or hint or shimmer,
all.
they all would die. and then would remain the shell, hollow and fragile, with a million spider viens and the fracture that let it all out.

im tired

good night
read that one Sherlock :P men are such babies

salaam salaam

p.s ooohh Azkaa i know ur out there, start a blog girlfriend thanx
AAANNNDD pics of TO as soon as i get all of them on my comp (thats a hint)

2006-05-18T02:55:00.000-06:00

just like i said i would :) and sorry again

2006-05-18T02:25:00.000-06:00

salaams all

ok so i guess this is kinda over due.... mneh, anyways please excuse me if this lacks any coherency... its 230 in the morn, i gotta be up at 630 to get to class on time tomorrow (HAHAHAHA like thats happening, CURSE U EDIT 202!) anyways and Nancy Ajram's Mo3gaba is playin in the background, my bed is cluttered with papers, books, purses, hijabs.... my suitcase is open at my feet, my new shoes shoved on my feet and the most unlikely aray of items casually sprawling across my desk, *sigh* i hate this feeling of upsidedownness (it is a word now!)
i dont know quite what to say, i believe im picking up the pen again and starting to resume writing non-fiction pieces, but they are horrible, ive only got a few lines here and a few lines there and thats all... what am i gonna do with them i dont even know, i dont even wanna edit them .. here read this one and laugh with me at my own sheer stupidity
Reality
What is my world?
what is it when teh shower is the only place that can truly hear my shuddering cries of self loathing?
Drops of water sing consoling songs as they mingle with my tears, drawing out their bitterness
The sky is on the roof.
My feet are in the clouds.
Brown eyes, they see me. Different.
I CANT run from them. Is it something in me? Is it something in THEM?

----
no i didnt smoke up before writing that piece thank you very much, i dont need to be HIGH to write such crap, it comes naturally, lol

never mind any of this it makes no sense
i almost bought myself a copy of the alchemist today, salwa dont u already own one? no i stole it from someone else, maybe i should return it? mneh no i dont really have to so i wont, whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine (for the record it was a gift sorta, with a sweet bookmarker) but that sweetness has changed and i cant say that im not sad that it has, all the sweetness has changed, that one, precious girls sanctuaries, someplace dear, someplace far. i feel like a child about to throw a temper tantrum, why? why must all the sweetness go? why all at once? cant some of u stay, im going through withdrawl ok? i cant stand the bleek darkness ahead
today mom cried with me, i cant say its my fault
i cant say its not
give a little bit....
u know what everybody just give a bit
no
give alot
thats whats wrong, we always ask for a little bit,
its not cutting it for me
dont give me a little bit
give me A LOT
im greedy and i want it all
so give a lot of it
give a lot of your love to me
cuz im crying on the inside

and guess what, i REFUSE to take this post down, thats right.
this is one crackhead depressed sad upset confused post and i dont care im not going to take this down,
because ive lost the rest by asking for too little
too little.

i love you all
every single one of you, yes even you; eventhough ive forgotten your name, i still love you.

now i guess ill post up a nice pic to make up for this crap post.
enjoy

salaam salaam

2006-05-18T02:11:00.000-06:00

the Happy Couple :) say it with me ppl aaawwww!

2006-04-17T01:51:00.000-06:00

salaams all

sometimes it would be nice to go to sleep like everyone else... esp after u talk them to sleep on the phone, but generally u get usta that, listening to a voice grow husky with the grogginess of the sandman's sweet gift, dang u Mr.Sandman why do u shun me so? im not ugly, once upon a time i was poutine, now? well i guess i reverted back to the anomoly that i was before i became that dish.
i owe many people emails, ive been trying to hide from my inbox and therefore i applologize inshallah ill get round ta them after exams (please make duaa that i can make it out of my classes alive... jazaks)
its too hard to study, there is so much going on lately, my mind wont shut up and yet my mouth cannot articulate the insane ramblings of my mind that cries out at the injustice that is the lives of others, those who have been damned by their ties to me. and i who have been blessed far more than i deserve with being able to exist within their shadow.. yah i know imma get in trouble for that line, thanx monazzah :P
this is the update that i said id give
and why doesnt the playground have sand anymore? i wanted to build a castle, but who wants to build a sandcastle out of wood chips? not i, i do not desire the feeling of slivers of wood imbedded into my fleshy fingers thanx
dang it i want some pie. coconut? banana? lemon? chocolate cream? strawberry rhubarb? lime? mint? well golly gee u name it and i want it ok? and i want a big piece, i dont care
i love shopping again, because it has taken on a whole new dimension...its called house/husband/whole-new-family shopping, and i do believe i like it very muchy
well all, i shall go to bed i guess, because i see that fatima has fallen asleep on a bunch of school books, mine and her own,
but before i sign off, i would like to just make a tiny little reminder to everyone about the blessings of children, they are beautiful, and while my family celebrates the addition of another family member, we mourn the loss of one who we never did get to meet, please keep both of them in your duaas please?

salaam salaam

2006-04-17T00:50:00.000-06:00

:) -- thanx Hafsah, i does like this pic.... :)

2006-04-17T00:49:00.000-06:00

me in Farooq's shoes... he thinks its funny... mneh?

2006-04-17T00:48:00.001-06:00

2006-04-17T00:48:00.000-06:00

end of semester classes picnic...

2006-04-17T00:47:00.001-06:00

i cant remember what made us crack up like this :monkey:

2006-04-17T00:47:00.000-06:00

Hungry Jacks... :faint: :obese:

2006-04-17T00:46:00.001-06:00

Summayah :D

2006-04-17T00:46:00.000-06:00

messin round... who was having more fun? the babies or the boys? i wonders

2006-04-17T00:45:00.001-06:00

Farooq and Ibrahaim competing

2006-04-17T00:45:00.000-06:00

me and summayah beat farooq and haleemah :P(although farooq did have the advantage of having longer legs :@)

2006-04-17T00:44:00.000-06:00

Farooq and Mumma on the scooter... :D cutest thing ever!

2006-04-17T00:43:00.000-06:00

Murtada on zee swings, if i werent wearing a skirt i woulda challanged him to a "who can go higher competition" :D

2006-04-17T00:42:00.000-06:00

goin to the movies :D -- had an AWESOME time

2006-04-17T00:40:00.000-06:00

Apa and i have discovered The Childrens Place Outlet.... its something dangerous me thinks :D -- at least the girls are benifiting from it

2006-04-17T00:39:00.001-06:00

:) Mashallah what a smile

2006-04-17T00:39:00.000-06:00

Takin the train to a book sale :D -- it was an adventure... sorry bout takin the long way round Murtada :$

2006-04-17T00:38:00.001-06:00

Monazzah *sigh* i :heart: u

2006-04-17T00:38:00.000-06:00

Baby Muhammad :)

2006-04-09T03:06:00.000-06:00

salaams all

must learn to go to bed early
or at least use my awake time much more productively no?

p.s. camera is back :D

oh and pray for me please?
i shall inshallah update more substantially laters... untill then
i :heart: u plankton :P

salaam salaam

2006-04-01T18:43:00.000-07:00

salaams

my camera is broken :cry: i cant believe how depressed i am over it
im so upset i may give up a huge chunk of my toronto $ to get a new one(im not sure about reparing this one it may be better to just get a new one)
its 8 months, further depression

all the ladies in the club would you wind for me?

*sigh* i dont care i like it :@

salaam salaam

2006-03-31T23:46:00.000-07:00

salaams all

i dont quite know what to type, and honestly if i had someone to call rite now i wouldnt be posting, i guess thats what i do when i feel lonely i post on my blog, and umm well i went through a phase of not being lonely and now im back to it at night, but alhamdulillah i just wanna say that for some odd reason ive been blessed beyond belief and just :D

alhamdulillah for all that ive been blessed with, alhamdulillah that ive been seeing all my friends being blessed just as much as i am, alhamdulillah for... well... EVERYTHING
yeah i meant to post something sweet and poetic, but i guess i get too lazy when i start to post up stuff, and plus no matter how poetic i try to be u can always see right through it.
btw i "played bowling" today and got a strike!
do u ever feel as though ur words are inadequate for what u want to express? or that your hands cant steady a pencil long enough to spell out the eloquence of your thoughts? or that your body cant keep up with the energy that u have pent up inside? that your dreams cant really fulfill what is in ur heart? that your imagination falls short on all the possibilities that lie ahead of you? do u ever feel that the sky cant quite get high enough? and the stars are never close enough? do you ever feel that sometimes animals know whats going on inside ur head, cuz they understand the unspoken language of the soul? that sometimes everything sings with you in harmony as though they know the melody thats playing inside ur head?
never mind

very corny and gay and like i said words are inadequate

whats that?
someones saying "salwa shut up now" in a high pitched squeeky sweet valley voice?
mneh i think this time imma bow my head and say jee, jee.

tootles all

salaam salaam

2006-03-30T23:25:00.000-07:00

salaams

ok so i know i dont got the most mature posts around, but this one is gonna be significantly worse than anything u all have ever read so if u cant stand teenybopper-ish posts please stop reading here.

AHEM

IM GOING TO TORONTO!!!!!!!!!

:scream:
booked zee tickets today
leaving May 19

im a nerd and i dont care ....im far too happy right now

wooooo hoooo.....:insert victory dance here:

salaam salaam

2006-03-27T01:06:00.000-07:00

salaams all

im not sure what is prompting me to write, i guess a bunch of things and nothing at the same time, im trying to motiveate myself to finish my homework tonight, alhtough im very proud of myself ive gotten alot of things accomplished today save 2 -- reading somehting i gotta make a presentation on, and managing to register for my APT-- the classes are full already, registration opened on the 23rd and its full already although i did manage to get a spot in the IPT alhamdulillah i guess i gotta go down to ed and see what they can do for me cuz thats the last thing i need to graduate after my ipt.
i got stress like u would not believe i cant sleep till about 2 and then i wake up durring the night or at 8-ish with worry in the pit of my stomach, just a few more weeks inshallah
alhamdulillah ive had 3 pieces of good news yesterday, and all of them made me as excited as a little girl squeeling with delight, *sigh* just make duaa that all three things pan out or imma cry... and i mean heavy duty duaa please?
i sit here with a cup of coffee on my desk and a bottle of tabasco sauce and crushed chilli pepers next to it.... how can u tell a desi has been over today?
and for ur enjoyment the inscriptions from 2 cards i got on my engagement, very differnent sentiments but each touching in its own way :
the first:

To the future inshallah.
You've been tasked with the supreme responsibility of being another beacon of love, warmth, and light in a what can often seem dark and uncertain times in the world. Do not disappoint me. Do not disappoint us.
Ages from now, I have no doubt that tears of thankful joy will escape my rigid eyes--thankful that I will be able to tell the world that I knew you two as young, dreaming souls intent on leaving their stamp on the world.
To the future.
As a good friend always reminds me- "Inshallah Khair"

and the second

Salwa:
Thank God your finally married, your mom can finally sleep
She tells this to your husband: "Salwa's yours to keep."
Your cousin Fatima loves you, Despite your mental state
Your marriage makes me wonder, since your heart is full of
hate
I took the time to write this, I'm hanging at your place,
And if you dont appreicate "I'll stab you in your face."

*sigh* inshallah you all enjoyed as much as i did

goodnight and Salaam Salaam

2006-03-20T02:03:00.000-07:00

salaams all

*sigh* i really need to go to bed

and i cant seem to do it :@
now im getting pissed ... not only did everyone go back home and now i need to return to reality, my sleeping pattern has REALLY REALLY changed, my normal 1 am bed time has become 2-3
i feel kinda out of it

so i dunno i wanna post something like i usta post once upon a time but i dont really know what to write.... im tempted to post up something someone had written in one of my engagement cards because it made me cry when i read it but i think ill ask them first
so now what?
lets see friday was amazing and anyone that wasnt there u totally missed out
i WISH i had enough talent to do spoken word poetry (inspired by that Jannah Mujahid girl cuz SHE was amazing *sigh*)
i need to learn to write better my Hijab essay was TOTALLY a let down for myself cuz i knew i could have written a better piece had i only had enough time to dedicate to it, instead i focused on IAW and on the Nikkah and so i hate to see what imma get on it :@
i get this kinda creapy warmth inside when i think about how blessed ive been this past month, its a nice feeling, and im scared of when it dissappears its like ur on this total high and ur so elated that ur afraid of what is going to bring u down cuz u know u aint gonna fall with a parachute ur gonna fall violently towards some jagged hilly mountaintop at breakneck spead and ur body is going to be shredded by every single rock that seems to be angled perfectly to slice through ur skin straight to the center of every limb and expose the gimmering white of your bones
mmm yeah

imma go to bed now
this is why i dont update?

salaam salaam

2006-03-19T15:24:00.000-07:00

Muhammad goin sledding :D

2006-03-19T15:23:00.001-07:00

admiring a beautiful gift

2006-03-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

Mumma :D

2006-03-19T15:22:00.001-07:00

fun in the snow

2006-03-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

inshallah ill see u again soon Ahmed

2006-03-19T15:21:00.000-07:00

breakfast at baji's

2006-03-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

the view from behind

2006-03-19T15:18:00.000-07:00

in awe

2006-03-19T15:17:00.000-07:00

chillin backstage

2006-03-19T15:16:00.000-07:00

2006-03-19T15:15:00.000-07:00

chillin with Amir

2006-03-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

*tear* missin it already :(

2006-03-19T15:11:00.000-07:00

love the dinner convo :@

2006-03-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

diggin in

2006-03-19T15:09:00.000-07:00

watching an engineer make a crab leg walk

2006-03-19T15:08:00.001-07:00

Apa with the hottest boots ever

2006-03-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

these girls could be fridge sales women ... seriously :|

2006-03-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

:')

2006-03-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

private dinner for 2

2006-03-19T15:05:00.000-07:00

love ya Hyam :) LOL

2006-03-16T02:14:00.000-07:00

salaams

i need to learn to go to sleep earlier dont i?
gotta be up in 4hrs

duaa please?
btw amir on sub stage 1230 be there

salaam salaam

2006-03-13T02:50:00.000-07:00

dear Haafid Bhai

this post is dedicated to u....
im going to bed now i promise :) see u tomorrow iA

salaam salaam

goodnight all :') tonight was beautiful thanx.... more in depth post laters iA

2006-03-11T02:05:00.000-07:00

ok i guess im off to bed now?

*sigh*

if anyone is bored gimmy a call ill be up for hours still

salaam salaam

2006-03-06T20:23:00.000-07:00

i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to gent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise to kill myself, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog, i promise not to vent on my blog.

get out of my face now please?

salaam salaam

2006-02-28T18:47:00.000-07:00

heated discussion at halaqa this monday... interesting and very informal

2006-02-28T18:43:00.000-07:00

:) chillin in my room -- i just liked the shot the way the models face isnt so focused and the light from the window is so hazy .... james blunt is just so appropriate right now

2006-02-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

after confessions of a muslim drama queen -- a buncha northsiders decided to go for coffee :) -- the ppl at timmys looked at us like we all on crack :freak:

2006-02-23T01:31:00.000-07:00

salaams all

ok... ok.... OK
flip i CANT sleep, my mind wont shut up.... tension balls? never heard of it before
is it true? maybe
tomorrow shall tell.
fatimas voice crackling as she talks in her sleep, envy? yeah green
imma bout to go totally nuts, Confessions of a Muslim Drama Queen on friday... is my speach written? NOPE
i got 2 more essays to write over my break... have i started? not really. One presentation to prepare, have i started? not a chance. One group Project, have i emailed? Not even a line. and so i sit up here at night, unable to sleep feeling the beginings of what could be an ulcer and yet i swear i still prefer this feeling to what i was feelin back in september or do i? im not quite sure if i do, cuz in september the lonliness felt better, mmmm justified is the word maybe, yeah i guess thats what it is i felt more justified in my being alone doing nothing till 3-4 am, now i sit here and feel shnank in the pit of my stomach, i feel like im becoming a hateful person... i hope not. i never usta be one, and i dont hate anyone right now, i just hate me. its odd how i dont know where imma go with this when i start it but as i write i get led somewhere. i hate me. thats a good place to be led alhamdulillah. i guess when u hate urself this much there is only one way to go and thats up. or do i only hate me for the next 17 days and then after that i wont hate me so much anymore cuz then all will be taken care of and my life can return to normal? Apa is coming for breakfast tomorrow, we are eating bbq-ed hot dogs :) at least i got Apa to make me feel justified for eating something so bad so early. mneh
i dont need justification for that, not now, and to prove my point, im going to eat something unhealthy RIGHT NOW.... yeah thats right. going to the gym? HA
ooohh i promise ill try and make the next post more optimistic and chock full of healthy good for you smiles that will make me wanna puke
hmm maybe i should prove taka right and do something totally left field, the antithesis to this post and put up something delightful and help the world understand that u cant predict where a girl is going to go next :rolleyes:
so for my grand finale oh 2.5 readers of my blog, i shall end with this:

babies are the most amazing things in the world, my cuzin had a baby girl names Lena yesterday, both are healthy and doing well alhamdulillah, keep them in ur duaa. of the fifteen pregnant girls i know this year theres one down, fourteen to go.
what the world needs now is love sweet love. *sigh* :')

salaam salaam

2006-02-19T22:40:00.000-07:00

salaams all

sitting here listening to Fares Karam -- qooli laAbooki really tempted ta just get up and dance like a complete psycho.... mneh far too lazy...
updating cuz i dont wanna turn into one of those ppl that never update *ahem* (read: farooq) ... found out that i had ppl reading my blog back in june that i never even thought would... its kinda weird to find out who was reading it and then u think to urself "omg what did i write? did i sound like a fool?" read a few posts and was shocked by the writing style, far more poetic and metaphorical than it is now, i guess ive just become a lazy unimaginative writer mneh ... no biggy i guess?
unparalleled worry setting in now.. IAW and my Kitab just around the corner and got LOTS left to do :S im starting to get a feeling in my stomach like im going to puke when i think about all that stuff and everything i dont have done yet...
please pray for me? jazaks
first day of a new halaqa.. lets see how it goes, everything was good today alhamdulillah ...
oh god. so i tried to do something ive never done before, took Monazzah along -- i love this girl so much, she is someone who will not laugh at my sheer stupidity in this field... i tried to get.... thats right.... makeup. yeah. :| in the end fatima still makes the final decision on it cuz shes doing my makeup, but flip i found the HOTTEST eyeshadow... two shades of gold very different from one another but totally complimentary... i gotta learn this junk one day... i guess ill book lessons with fatima and saman? its always good to have ppl around u who are talented in areas where u know absolute shnank.
but i do have a point to that... so im writing a paper on Hijab inshallah and did a workshop with my partner in my write class and although im not going to go this route with my essay i dont think cuz i have a different point to make with what im writing, we were talking and she was likeing hijab to makeup, and at first i didnt get it, but then i got where she was going, she was trying to correlate makeup and hijab as both manners in which women are hiden under a layer, like we are never fully us in public, Hijabis hide under layers of loose clothing and non-hijabis hide under layers of paint... i dont completely agree with where she was going with it but it is an interesting thought no? before all of u jump all over me im NOT saying that a hijabi and a makeup wearing woman are the same nor do they have the same reason for covering. im just saying its an interesting observation. what are we all hiding under our layers? the sister in hijab hides as does the woman under the concealer...how many will wait and stick around to find out the truth about you as you peel off all your layers? and i dont mean those prying eyes that are there to gobble up any scar or imperfection under all those layers, i mean who is going to stick around and watch u peel each layer off and love you still inspite those blemishes? how many will look at u the same after all is revealed and the mask of the actor removed? can one truly say that they do not fear what shall happen. how much do you "keep it real" and yet how much more do u still conceal?
i hate this fake crap that goes on, how many stick to your side just to watch you peel off your layers and run once they see the hideous truth underneath? you know what i wonder? i wonder what lies beneath that persons layers? i wonder how scarred and disfigured they are, and even more i wonder do they ever take off their layers? are they ever worried that someone will do to them what they do to others and as such they shelter themselves and never peel off their layers? i hope they do. i hope they can never breath and i hope those layers become so close to their skin that they cant take them off even when they want. wow. i sound like some sick sadistic freak dont i. lol.
i dunno whats wrong with me. oh and i hate the idea of arranged marriage. before all my desi friends try to eat me its just cuz of a book im currently reading, thats all, after i get over the book ill go back to my indifference. (well i dont know if u would descibe my previous convos with the girls as indifferent but ya3nee :D )

back to my book cuz i hate this post... mneh

salaam salaam

2006-02-11T02:03:00.000-07:00

salaams all....

umm i liked this i guess
aaannnddd
i guess i should make a sorta post now, im tired-- exhausted actually, ive been fighting a cold for a few weeks, and its still here... i thought i was sounding better today but when i went for coffee all the girls could tell that i had a cold by my face and voice, alhamdulillah ... oh well... i miss all my highschool girls, its so good to see them all again alhamdulillah, we always manage to talk about everything under the sun before the evening is over. i wanna study sorta but i cant seem to concentrate, my eyes keep blurring all the words, and im writing this without my glasses on -- making everything blurry gives me less of a headache....
anyways, i was gonna write something worth while or so i thought but i guess not ....
i guess i wanted to talk about everything really, the things i love, things i hate, how im so fortunate to have what i have and to be blessed in so many ways with so many things Alhamdulillah.
i guess i really wanna talk about nothing, a bunch of nothings like the love i have for the feeling that u get when u step out of a long hot shower, or the beauty of being able to breath through ur nose again, or the sound of babys trying out making different sounds, i want to talk about the bus rides home with fatima and how i love her for the chicken that she is, i wanna talk about how odd it was sitting with fatima and farooq on the #10 bus, (odd but beautifully odd), i wanna talk about how i love the feeling of my pillow under my head, and how i love the feeling of wearing new jeans, and the flicker of light from a candle, and the taste of warm tea, and the smell of a good homecooked meal, and how it feels to rub lotion on my hands after ive finished doing an hours worth of dishes, and the content feeling i get when i can smell the bleach from the bathroom, and the feeling of a new book in my hands that im dying to read, hugging an old friend, seeing kids in the park, playing skipping with little kids
ok so i can go on for a while, but rite now i wanna remember the love i have for changing into my p.j's and crawling into a nice warm bed.
so i bid u all a wonderful night
tisba7u 3ala khair inshallah
salaam salaam

2006-02-03T00:36:00.001-07:00

the overflow audience from the stephen lewis talk, we had to sit on the floor, talk was amazing so worth it ... crapy pic i know but mneh, i didnt wanna waste time taking pics and missing what he was sayin

2006-02-03T00:36:00.000-07:00

2006-02-03T00:34:00.000-07:00

Muhammad has turned one... where has the time gone? *tear*

2006-02-01T00:38:00.000-07:00

salaams

"like grains of sand, with multipicity comes a force to be reckoned with"

*sigh* creative non-fiction?
HA as demonstrated above this essay is soooo gonna be crap.

please pray for me? i dont wanna fail, but if i keep comin up with that kinda stuff i mite as well write an F on my own papers.

i had alot to say but maybe laters? for now i shall say that make duaa that the next month and a half go smoothly cuz im already stressin outs :D
is it bad to make duaa that Allah will make me beautiful? :S

salaam salaam

2006-01-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

salaams

this is a subject i cant write about without getting really upset and emotional so im not going to be very coherent and i know that from the get go, but here we go,

i REALLY dislike (hate?) it when i hear muslims go on about how our muslim women dont have to worry about things like non-muslim women do. when they talk about how muslimahs dont have to worry about being molested or raped or attacked. what the flip is that? im sorry but that is one of the dumbest things in the world. Fact Muslim women DO get raped. Fact Muslim women do get molested. Fact Muslim women do get attacked. just cuz a woman is a muslim dont mean that she wont be faced with these issues. It dont mean that a rapist is gonna stop and say to himself "OH that woman is a muslim i wont go near HER"
we need to stop spouting the idea that muslimahs dont face these issues. im not sure on the RATE at which these kinds of things happen to muslimahs, it MAY be lower than the rate for non-muslims, but that dont mean it doesnt exist. it may not be too often heard of, but that may only be because Muslimahs dont come out and say "i was raped" we are taught to keep issues like that under raps rather than have the muslim community find out about it and the girls name become trash so rather we keep it under raps, dont report it, dont tell anyone and thus the # of known cases of rape and molestation among muslimahs are very few.
thats the sad thing, they arent so few, they arent so miniscule as us muslims would like to believe, i personally know of 4 such occurances to muslimahs, and thats cuz ive been told of them but no one else knows (or very few anyways) and so it makes u think ok these r 4 cases i know of cuz i was confided in or something similar to that, and then u think how many OTHER muslimahs are there, how many keep it to themselves and never tell anyone, how many tell their parents and then are told to keep shut about it? how many are taught that they should be ashamed that that happened to them and that they should never tell police or any sort of authority? HOW MANY?
we need to stop telling ourselves that Muslimahs walk around with some sort of protective shield around her that protects her from anyone with bad intentions, the world isnt like that, there is no assurance that when your mother/sister/cousin/friend/neice/daugther goes out that nothing will happen to her, there is nothing that says "oh shes a muslim she'll be ok" or that nothing bad ever happens to muslimahs so it cant happen to them. bad things DO happen to muslimahs we just tend to try to brush it under the rug. we need to stop that and address the problem.
we also need to remember that it is those who are close to the female that often committ the crime. whos attacking muslimahs? our fellow brother muslims. im not saying in all cases, but its a pattern and muslims arent immune to it either. its sick. as a community we need to wake up and realize that guess what? these things ARE going on, and many times its intercomunity crime, while often ppl think that that is just one more reason to cover it up because the boys name will be ruined as well, its the opposite. i mean come on, by keeping silent u keep the boys name clear, a good rep, and when he gets to marry a good clean girl with a clean rep too she gets to find out what a disgusting guy she married far after its too late.

nm

i make no sense... blabbering as usual.
sorry.

just ticked at something i read

salaam salaam

p.s please make duaa for me? jazaks

2006-01-23T01:26:00.000-07:00

oh yeah :), spa time at my house, definately interesting, got some nice blackmail pics of my sis and sis in law :D

2006-01-23T01:24:00.000-07:00

vhat is this? any takers? ( is sooo obvious i know, just play along please?)

2006-01-22T02:26:00.000-07:00

salaams all

ok if anyone has any objections to the pics i posted please email me...
also i need to learn how to go ta sleep early, this "go to sleep at 3 wake up at 8" is running me into the ground yet i cannot change it, i cant sleep right now, and yet im tired...
tonight was good alhamdulillah, and i got some great plans for tomorrow :) iA
dumb book for Engl 343 wont END :@ alhamdulillah
i love so many ppl right now, and i wonder how does my heart hold so much love for so many ppl and its amazing how many ppl you can love for so many different qualities, maybe im just on crack but today i was asked to tell someone what faults they have, and in the end i couldnt answer (which is i guess kinda bad on my part for coming up with constructive criticism) but i just kept listing in my mind all the differnt things i love about them, their ability to make a friend feel special and loved no matter what that friend is going through, being able to place others frist ESPEICALLY family members (i mean that is some crazy dedication) being able to laugh at everything and not in the manner where one feels laughed at, but so that one feels at ease and relaxed, dedication to many friends from many differnt walks of life and not losing one or the other just because they are different ppl that dont get along, amazing advice always, not too strong to cry, strong enough to hold someone who is crying, hearing pain and helping bear the burden, OMG never mind, ive got a list in my mind too long to write out, and as i contemplated that question, i wished that Allah would bless me to be a FRACTION of what that person is, because dang if i accomplish that, my life will be set.

ok make duaa i can sleep, oh and make duaa that i can find time to see all the people i need to/want to see

salaam salaam and sweet dreams

2006-01-22T02:09:00.000-07:00

:dopey smile here:

2006-01-22T02:05:00.001-07:00

I love this pic, i hope u dont mind Monazzah, but we were studying and Monazzah just looked so serene, just completely at ease with her most likely mind boggling text book, and the calm that was on her face, the beauty that resonated from it, it just struck me to no end. Monazzah i loves u :)

2006-01-22T02:05:00.000-07:00

Muhammads latest habit: sticking his tongue out

2006-01-22T02:02:00.000-07:00

Prayer time, we need a bigger room :D mashallah

2006-01-22T02:01:00.001-07:00

Random brothers reading the latest MM issue *tear* love the shout out :')

2006-01-22T02:01:00.000-07:00

:) tory

2006-01-22T02:00:00.000-07:00

:) wish i got into it cuz all the ladies here are photogenic they coulda carried my ugly mug off in this pic

2006-01-22T01:54:00.000-07:00

aaah 2 camera shy males :(, *insert mean remark about not being GQ models here*

2006-01-20T02:08:00.000-07:00

i guess im off to bed?

i know that i still cant sleep, too much pent up shnank

*sigh* alhamdulillah, keep me in ur duaas?

salaam salaam

2006-01-20T01:12:00.000-07:00

salaams

i hate being forced into a corner. theres no one to talk to right NOW, when i need to talk, i mean theres always people round when im cool but when ilose it, thats it im alone i need to vent, im in a home of plenty of sleeping people, i got a WRITE 298 essay infront of me, a phone thats useless because there is no one to call, car keys real close to my fingers, and yet they are all bars that hold me in place in my tiny room keeping me from doing something to let it all out. flip. i cant even go for a flippin run or walk. :@ i even hate my blog now, cuz i dont know who is reading it, i wish that i kept alot more to myself about it.
20? did someone say i was 20?

HA thats a bunch of bs and u all know it
i aint 20 and by our arab standards i will never be 20, arab girls have 2 different age groups in their lives: little girl and married woman. nothing else.
i am neither of the above.

salaam salaam

2006-01-16T00:03:00.000-07:00

salaams all

ok so doing some other shnank with my blog agains... i dunno if i wanna keep it or nots so im still deciding on all of it, we'll see i guess i may just delete it all,i mean i update so infrequently and stuff, and Farooq and Saman never update thiers mneh we shall see time shall tell

tonight went to west ed, alhamdulillah not bad not bat, i wont be going again for years i dont think, umm it was better than the last time i went but umm well nm
pics im not gonna put up i guess and yeah.....

i guess i really dont care too much to blog right now... kinda feelin like punching something, i gotta learn to control my anger

salaam salaam

2006-01-08T21:02:00.000-07:00

salaams all (i guess there isnt that many all now is there)

anyways yeah i feel so .... i dont know like i wanna scream and yell and run and laugh and cry and just be everywhere
*sigh*
yeah dont worry i hate the way that i sound too, but htis is me, and anyone who knows me knows that that salwa is the salwa that i was prior to the past 5 months, a little everywhere and somewhere at the same time, yeah well im back at it alhamdulillah :D *sigh* its school again and i dont know what my schedule is gonna be like again.. procrastination will be the death of me.... umm question here... does Engl 210 count as engl lit prior to the 1900s ?? lemme know please?
watched bend it like beckham today... mm not bad, saman u r in trouble for NOT carrying out ur promise of lending me some desi movies for the break.... and now that ur busy *AHEM* my urdu lessons have ceased, so i officially advertise the OPEN possition of urdu teacher to the public, reason for terminating last instructor? well lets just say she abandoned me not i abandoned her (loser)
my cuziin got his Kitab done yesterday, went and seen him and his wife today, mashallah she seems very sweet alhamdulillah and every time i pick up a kid i realize how much i love babies, thier daughter Ameena is BEAUTIFUL, shes just sucha happy baby and she likes to be held, so different from Muhammad, its so weird how he is such an important part of my life, i have seen him very little this break and i know when sharafe and gale move out its going to break my heart seeing Muhammad so infrequently, im used to gale waking me up in the morn and having me watch him as she goes out or takes a shower, imma miss standing over his crib and watching his little chest rise and fall with each breath, *sigh* this morn ive discovered that he now does the cutest thing, i usually hold him and hit the fan on the ceiling to make it spin and he loves it, me being the short aunt that i am i have to jump to hit it, today as i asked him if he was ready and pointed up, he leaned his head back as usual but this time he stuck out his tounge as he looked up, i started laughin and thought it was odd, he looked at me and i regained composure pointed up again and he looked and stuck out his tongue a second time, i couldnt believe it, did it a few more times and everytime he looked up he stuck out his tongue.. and hes going to be gone? *sigh* i dont want that ta happen, im at home for a long time yet and i want him to be at home with me till i move... *sigh* i guess we all cant get what we want right?

its so odd that b4 u know a person ur just fine but as time passes and u fall into a comfort zone with them u cnat imagine them gone..... theyve become such an important part of ur life... like Zanieb (nicole) i miss her with a passion and sometimes i hear ppl say things or see something that is just so nicole, i can her her say that line or pick out that shirt or somehting, and i feel a sort of ache for that.... i dont make sense i know

oh and i hate grocery shopping... not in the sense that i hate going to help my mom... naw its my duty as a daugther to go and help her for those 2 hr trips (as it is the duty of every child to help their mothers) but i hate the greed i see, i hate it, i hate seeing our shopping cart fill up with food worht a couple of hundred, i hate seeing us fill our cart with foods we dont need and as i tell that to my mom she scoffs at me. i guess its my fault too cuz eat it all dont i ?

anyways yeah i know its a stupid post, sorry, its just some thngs that have been floating around in my mind today

anyways thats all for now... i shoulda posted somethingworthwhile i know but mneh :) another time
oh and i have new round love for the mall.... i stilll hate trying to find cloths, but i now found out i love other places now (ie stokes, bowring, pier one :D ) what a contradiction no? i just finished saying how i hate our exessive food purchasing and now i glorify purchasing houseware in my defense... i do need bowls no?

salaam salaam

2006-01-07T02:45:00.000-07:00

this is also too muntaka :D

2006-01-07T02:42:00.000-07:00

tonights pic is dedicated to mr.muntaka shah, for inspiring me to show ppl how fun being stupid with ur camera can be, and how creative the rest turns out :)

2006-01-07T02:18:00.000-07:00

doing some bumpin around

pray for me?

salaam salaam

something introspective to follow?